A couple weeks ago, I did a post about what I believe constitutes a true marriage in the eyes of God. I didn't go into detail and post tons of scripture, but I think everyone will get my point. Well, since then I decided to add some more comments and tell you a bit of my personal story about the topic.
Like I said before, I had never thought about the idea of "spiritual marriage" until it actually concerned me. You see, since my "hubby" and I live in Mexico, we must deal with good ol' immigration before we can have a civil marriage. After all of the fees add up, it will total at about 5 or 600 dollars. We just cannot afford that right now.
I don't even remember where the idea even came from, but I started looking online about "spiritual marriages" (being married in God's eyes) and I found people who believed that marriage is God's gift to us, and we should not need permission from the government to marry. Governments idea of what marriage is differs greatly from what God intended it to be.
Here is a definition of marriage from definitions.uslegal.com:
Marriage is a legal contract entered between a man and woman intending
to become husband and wife. Marriage creates a legal relationship
between husband and wife with rights and obligations governed by state
law.
Where does God play his part in that?
Now, the bible never gave many details about marriage or said how one must marry, but here are some scriptures about marriage from God's perspective:
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
(One must note that in Greek and Hebrew, there was no word for "wife". You were simply the woman of your man.)
We can see that the bible doesn't say how to get married, but what makes a marriage. Back then, a lot of marriages were arranged, and fathers would give away their daughters for a price. Sometimes a man would simply take a woman to be his wife.
Genesis 24:67 Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
We do have to keep in mind that was the Old Testament, and later God wanted us to follow the laws of the land.
Romans 13:1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
(Just a quick thought -- I don't think God would be very happy with our government in these days with all of the corruption and greediness.)
My problem with this is government should not have control over family, and they never did until one needed actual permission to marry. Back in the old days, many places forbid interracial marriages and after some time made it legal with permission from the government. But I have to wonder, why do we need permission now?
According to Black's Law Dictionary, the word license is defined as -
the permission by competent authority to do an act which without such
permission, would be illegal.
The definition above states that a license gives permission to do something that would otherwise be illegal. Is it illegal to get married without one? No! You just won't be married in the eyes of the government. If things were my way (and sadly, they are not) a couple would simply register their marriage with the government to advise them... and without cost. It seems nowadays all that matters to the government is money.
Anywho, I should get on with my story...
Before I started researching all of this, I asked about "spiritual marriage" in a Christian forum. Of course they said it is not possible and that it is a sad attempt to justify living in sin. For a while I told myself that I was in the wrong just because they said so. But then I started thinking perhaps they were the ones who were incorrect and I started doing some research.
I found everything that I posted above and more. I had to talk it over with my fiancé and see where he stood on the subject. He told me pretty much the same thing that I was thinking. How we see it is simple. 1.) God judges us by what is in our hearts. He knows everything about us and our intentions. He will know if a couple is saying they are married just so it is "okay" to have sex. 2.) Once you make a vow, you are held to it. If you don't follow through it is considered sin. So, what if an honest couple makes a vow to each other and to God? Is that vow null because it wasn't a legal contract with the government? I don't think so.
Deuteronomy 23:21-23 “If you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay fulfilling it, for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and you will be guilty of sin. But if you refrain from vowing, you will not be guilty of sin. You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.
This is part of a conclusion about What Constitutes a Marriage on gotquestions.org:
Ultimately, that is between the couple and God. God knows our hearts (1 John 3:20). God knows the difference between a true marriage covenant and an attempt to justify sexual immorality.
There is nothing I found that says that two people cannot be married without a license. Now, if you are trying to be sneaky by not getting a license, then that is fraud. Not following though with the legal process to hold on to government benefits is not okay.
In my case, we just can not afford to get the license, but we plan to as soon as possible. I told the forum that along with everything else that I found. They were very blunt with their answer and said, "No, you aren't married. You are lying and living in sin." I had to ask, "But... why?" Their one and only argument -- You must follow the laws of the land.
When the bible says to "follow the laws of the land" they mean don't rebel against them. As long as it is not illegal to dedicate yourself to another and say you are man and wife, we are not breaking any laws. I had to mention a friend that I have that was in the same situation as me. She was an American living here in Mexico wanting to marry a Mexican national. She needed a permit from immigration and costly translations. Luckily, their pastor decided to marry them in the church. They followed up with the legal process later on when they were able. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that they were married. I believe that God considered them married as well. The forum disagreed.
To sum this all up, I believe that a couple can be married before having a license but should follow up with whatever is needed. I just don't think the government has the right to say who can marry. Also note that they can refuse a license to anyone; Although, it is highly unlikely, it can happen (
See article here). I believe the paper does not make the marriage and that is up to God. Like it says in the definition above, that paper is just a legal contract with the man, wife
and government, not God.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Nikki Rivera
